For as long as I can remember I always just assumed that I would stay home with my children because that's what my mom did and that's what her mom did. Then I got married young, and one month after I graduated from college our son, Luke was born. Suddenly we were down one income (albeit a part time/student income) and my life went from busy with school, work, and adult interaction to the life of a stay at home mom. Which is busy, so much work, and rewarding, but different. I missed interacting with friends and co-workers and I no longer had the constant affirmations that all my hard work was being noticed.
Anyway, when Luke was about 4 months old I started to feel like I really should provide some financial support for our family because it didn't seem fair to me that it had to be entirely up to David, who was a full time student at the time. I started looking around for work and applied to a child care center as a lead teacher. I was hoping that Luke could be in the same class with me and when they told me he couldn't I just wasn't ready to be away from him. I decided I'd give it a little time and started working on odd projects at home like refinishing furniture to make a little extra income.
Several months later after David graduated and was unable to find work I felt like maybe I should look for work again and went out for some interviews. I was offered a lead preschool teaching position with benefits. I felt uncertain and afraid but kept telling myself it was just nervousness because it had been a while since I'd worked. I went for the 'orientation day' and the co workers were great and the manager was very nice, but I continued to feel uneasy and unsettled. Of course it was hard for me to be away from Luke for an entire day, but it was more than that. That night I prayed and prayed and just felt like I should call and turn down the job. I immediately felt ease and peace. The very next week David got a full time job with a very stable company. He didn't earn enough at the job for us to have many 'luxury's' but it was enough to keep us fed, clothed, and housed.
I didn't think about working again until David quit his job to go to grad school. We moved half way across the country with no actual income (besides scholarships and student loans) and I just felt like I really needed to step up and become the 'bread-winner.' I started putting out ads to do childcare in our home, but didn't get any response. Once again I applied for, interviewed and was offered a full time position as a preschool teacher. The boys would be able to come but would be in different classes. I felt like it would be a great opportunity because I could provide income and child-care at the same place. But once again I felt very uncertain and uneasy. I again prayed earnestly about what to do. In my prayer I said very specifically, "I need to decide within 5 minutes if I am going to take this job. If I am supposed to be home with my boys I need an immediate answer." The moment I ended my prayer the phone rang and it was someone calling about my in-home child care ad. The moment I hung up the phone it rang again, and again it was someone calling about my child care ad. I hadn't received a single inquiry in nearly 3 weeks. That was my answer. I soon began tending a little girl in our home and that was blessing though I could only do it for a few months. (Turns out that 3 children under the age of 3 is not easy!). But, I knew that I needed to be home with our boys even if that meant living off savings and student loans, cutting coupons, and tightening our belt.
I don't know what the next few weeks, months and years will bring and there is a possibility that I may find that I need to work or work from home, but for now I know my role and I have no regrets.
