Guilt

I sat down tonight after my last child was finally tucked in to bed. I looked around my house and started to get that sinking feeling. That ominous, ugly feeling of 'motherly guilt.' I looked around and noticed toys and books, stacked dishes, unfolded laundry, dirty bathrooms, etc etc. While browsing blogs on my phone during my first quite, alone moment of the day I started to think, 'Wow, how come I don't can food, or sew, or coupon, or teach my children some meaningful skill, or home school, or make my own baby food, or come up with awesome FHE lessons, or make great meals, or throw awesome parties, or or or." My 'motherly guilt' was starting to kick in hard! So young mother, what exactly HAVE you done all day, huh???

5am wake up call to begin my day: baby feeding, diaper changing, child comforting, breakfast making, clothing, washing, playing, story reading, homework doing, piano practicing, lunch/snack packing, house cleaning, dishes doing, school preparing, family scripture reading and praying, refereeing, lunch making, family feeding, child chauffeuring, parent volunteering, errand running, child picking upping, children snacking, niece(s) babysitting, dinner cooking, children feeding, children entertaining, bed time story reading, bed time prayers saying, bedtime putting (alone) 9pm.

I have successfully kept three young children fed, clothed, entertained, educated, and loved for another day. I didn't do it perfectly, but I did it. And they all went to bed knowing that their mother loves them - that's what I did today, so 'mother's guilt,' you can't claim me today because I am enough, I am mother!

Try Again

I'm not typically one to be offended. For the most part I try to see that people usually intend no harm. And this post is not about being offended, but lately I have received some - well, the same - comment about my children that has begun to weigh heavily on my mind and heart. The question: "So, are you going to try again for a girl?"

I realize that this question is asked innocently. Of course, most women want to have a daughter. But, it comes across as, "boys just aren't quite good enough, you'd be more happy with girl." To me it means, "your children aren't enough, they're missing something - being a girl."

When someone sees me with my two young boys and my barely 6 month old baby boy and then asks, "So are you going to try again?" I wonder, why can't they be happy for the 3 healthy, sweet (yes, very energized) children that I have. I can't imagine anyone asking a mother of three young children including boys and girls if they are going to try again when their baby is only 6 months old!

We never had children with the intent of getting some specific end result. We had children to have children, not because we were 'hoping' to have a girl or a boy. Asking if we will try again implies that we failed the first 3 times! I have fallen madly in love with my baby boy and asking if I will try again discounts how much I love and adore him.

Maybe, someday in the future we will have another child or children. And I would gladly welcome a daughter. But, we will never try again because we have nothing to fix.

Big brothers teaching Josh the ways of boyhood with a sword and light saber.