Out of it

I haven't posted much lately because I just keep hoping that I'll have something exciting or fun to share . . . like D getting an awesome job. That doesn't seem to be our lot right now though and it's hard to accept that when it's so far from what we want. I've found myself a bit detached from what's going on in my life. Feeling jealous of others and not wanting to read other people's blogs because it's hard to see all these great things people are doing or buying and know that I just can't. Unemployment (there, I said that dumb word) is not fun and and it's something I view much differently than I did a year ago. I used to think of it as something that happened to people that didn't try hard enough. People that were lazy or didn't care. I used to think that term applied to people in some group that I didn't consider myself a part of. But let me tell you, I've been humbled.

I don't know if I've met a much harder working man than my husband. He's a man that is dedicated to his family and wants more than anything to be a provider. We figure that up to this point he has applied for nearly 500 jobs. He has heard back from a handful and been interviewed for a grand total of 2. In every instance he is told that A) He's qualified but they've decided to hire someone with more experience  B) The agency is no longer hiring because of budget cuts, and we believe C) that he is overqualified. The words frustrated and disappointed only slightly begin to explain the way that we often feel. I don't think either of us ever imagined that we would face unemployment after him earning a Master's degree, and yet here we are.

Nearly a year ago he took a part time job doing something that leaves him feeling completely unsatisfied and not earning much of anything. I've started to babysit a little girl (which has actually been a great blessing for many reasons) and with the support of family we are able to get by. In many ways I have seen great blessings come from our situation and I know that we are not forgotten. For instance, we have learned pretty darn well how to budget! I've been learning how to make groceries last and use leftovers to make other meals. We've learned to be grateful for all that we DO have and hopefully will never take anything for granted in the future. We have been very blessed with good health (except for blasted February!) and we've been able to spend lots and lots and lots of time together. I think we see others in a different way and are much less likely to judge others. We've come to truly appreciate service and have developed a greater desire to serve others.

This life can be hard. I'm coming to understand that everyone has hard things. And what's hard for me might not be so hard for others, but that's why it's my trial because it's something my family and I can learn from. And I can pretty much guarantee that at the end of everyone's lives we'll all have gone through some really tough things and hopefully we'll be able to say, that's exactly what I needed.

Just because they're pretty cute . . . who wouldn't be grateful for these two