I can only hope that I am able to meet the most important needs and wants for each person. I hope and pray that things don't slip through the cracks, but I'm only one person. I had no idea how demanding this motherhood thing would be. No idea. I sometimes wonder if I really, really knew; would I still have done it?
If I knew that I would go months, years even without sleeping through the night. If I knew that simple requests would often be met with screaming and whining. If I knew that my body would be so exhausted from carrying/rocking a crying baby. If I knew I would spend the majority of my days secluded from any adults. If I knew that I'd spend hours preparing food only to have it most often rejected by those I'm trying to feed. If I knew I'd spend hour after hour cleaning up after other people. If I knew everything I wore would be spit up on, snotted on, and covered in who knows what else. If I really, really knew would I have done it?
If I knew that my baby would run his fingers through my hair for comfort. If I knew that my 5 year old would jump up and down with excitement to see me after school and give me the biggest bear hug imaginable. If I knew that my toddler would scrunch his face up to request a kiss. If I knew that my 7 year old would pray for me every day to have a good day as I take care of the babies by myself. If I knew that 4 little boys would snuggle next to each other on the couch with arms and hands intertwined. If I knew that my very presence meant absolutely everything to them. If I really, really knew would I have done it?
This is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life. But I can't even begin to describe how it's also the best thing I have ever done in my life. I never could have really really known anything about what I would experience, but yes, I would choose to do it all again in a heartbeat.
