Spritited Child

Just about 2 years ago a beautiful little boy joined our family. He had the chubbiest cheeks and softest skin. He looked exactly like his daddy and seemed to be docile and calm. We were struggling to decide on a name for this charming baby. We had it narrowed down to Conner and Seth. After his first day I said, 'Seth just seems like a calm and peaceful name. He seems that way, lets go with that.'

Once we were home from the hospital (and I couldn't send him to the nursery) he seemed a little more fussy and difficult to calm, but he had severe jaundice for 2 weeks with so many foot pricks his poor heels were covered in little cuts and nursing was a struggle. And then he developed reflux and would immediately spit up everything he ate. He was uncomfortable and his first year is a complete blur. We called it quits with nursing at about 3 1/2 months when he absolutely refused to latch and the poor boy woke every 1-2 hours until he was 5 months old. After some help from my mom those sleeping stretches grew to about 3-4 hours until he was 18 months old. Then magically, one night we put him down at 7:30pm and he didn't wake again until almost 8am.

He has never been easy to please. He has never been a child that would sit in a saucer or swing. Even when being held he had to be jostled and cajoled to keep him somewhat happy. But, boy can he smile. When he's happy, he's happy. He doesn't just giggle, he laughs out loud. But, 5 seconds later he can be a wailing heap on the floor.

Once he could sit he was irate to be put on the floor with toys (unless someone was right next to him). He started crawling at only 5 1/2 months and from that point has never stopped moving. But with his mobility came more independence and more confidence and happiness for him. He screamed and went ridged every time I put him in his car seat or high chair until he was about 18 mo old. Now, he gets in his car seat happily and does well as long as he doesn't have to be there for too long. We gave up the high chair and booster seat months ago, it wasn't worth the fight. He is so loving and loves to snuggle. From the time he could squeeze he has given great bear hugs and the sweetest slobbery kisses. But the moment something doesn't go his way (which is very very often) his first reaction is to hit or fall on the floor screaming.

He knows what he wants, how he wants it, and when he wants it. He becomes an inconsolable, raging boy when anything is wrong. He finds anything in his path to hit, kick or destroy. But, when all is right in his world he is the sweetest and cutest child around. We are drawn to his tenacity and lively personality and he makes us laugh. We have a lot of wonderful, high moments with this child and we equally have a lot of low and difficult moments with him.

I have often wondered what I could be doing better. And I read a lot of parenting books and I read all the 'get your baby to sleep,' 'get your child to cooperate,' etc etc. And some things have helped in some areas but overall I have felt like these things just don't work on him.
A few days ago I was having several hard moments with him, and I had a constant prayer in my heart and mind, "please help me be kind and patient, please help me be kind and patient, and what am I doing wrong, what should I be doing?" That very day a great friend of mine from back in Provo emailed me and said that she felt prompted to tell me about a book called, "Raising your Spirited Child: a guide for parent's whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and energetic." I immediately went and bought the book. The first chapter described Seth almost to a T. And the author went on to say that these children are completely normal, just MORE, spirited. And she said that she didn't like the labels given to them; difficult, demanding, stubborn, extreme, wild, impatient, anxious and instead uses labels like; zestful, curious, charismatic, compelling, dramatic, analytical. I am excited to read more. So far I am feeling more hopeful and I feel strongly that I need to accept Seth and embrace him and not try to change him, but teach him how to channel his temperament in positive ways. He is an amazing addition to our family and although he is not what I had envisioned he is just right.